Apathy

God, this apathy is just eating me up from the inside
Sitting alone in my blue room, trying to remember a different time
The tunes of Yundi Li caress me, but I don’t seem to catch its beauty, I merely sink deeper into what I now realise is my own heart
Need to feel again

When did it start?
Was it there when I first loved you?
Was it there when we shared those kisses deep in the night and I hoped I would never see daylight again in fear of you having turned into the Polarbear?
Was it there when ...
Ah, never mind. Will it ever go away?

This apathy, sucking me in and filling me with the grey fear I saw in her eyes
And I must not let go
Must not surrender, for I fear it will be the last thing I do
God, that rotten smell
That horrendous nightmare of indifference
And I just sit here
In my blue room
Staring out at nothing.

To Grandmother

I still remember your smile, you know, thought I don't know if even you remembered it
Your eyes, the grey shadow there eating you up from the inside
I know it frightened you
I hope you know I saw it and tried to chase it away

Oh, how I hated to see you wither away
And how I wished for this moment when your pain would end and you would join your former self and be released

But alas, the moment is now so bittersweet
Even though the last time I saw you, you smiled
And what a smile!
I hope I never will forget that smile

So tired I cannot see the sleep ahead of me
Metal screeching through my head filled with cotton and diamond splinters
So dark here
So cold
Where are the sounds and smells of life I grew up with?
Need to fly, but not to flee

Need you to be here waiting for me when I need the quiet darkness only Norway can bring me
Need you to call me home when I am melting away and need to be instant frozen to maintain sanity
Need you because I want you not because I cannot stand being without you

Fly with me in my heart
Set me free 'cause I know you love me
Your heart told me while you where sleeping beside me