Apathy

God, this apathy is just eating me up from the inside
Sitting alone in my blue room, trying to remember a different time
The tunes of Yundi Li caress me, but I don’t seem to catch its beauty, I merely sink deeper into what I now realise is my own heart
Need to feel again

When did it start?
Was it there when I first loved you?
Was it there when we shared those kisses deep in the night and I hoped I would never see daylight again in fear of you having turned into the Polarbear?
Was it there when ...
Ah, never mind. Will it ever go away?

This apathy, sucking me in and filling me with the grey fear I saw in her eyes
And I must not let go
Must not surrender, for I fear it will be the last thing I do
God, that rotten smell
That horrendous nightmare of indifference
And I just sit here
In my blue room
Staring out at nothing.