So tired
The demons lightly caressing me
And I keep on falling
I suddenly see no reason to hold on
For the questions have started to arise
And the fear is gripping me
What if those horrid dreams were visions?
What if the silent corpses were screaming a warning at the top of their lungs?
God, that smell of decay is not coming from her silent body but from my rotten soul
Only her laughter can patch my wounds together
But that laughter was shunned hanging there
And buried six feet under.

Filled with emptiness
I watch the hours go by
And hope for darkness
Even though it terrifies me
The hanging bodies haunting my mind
And her eyes opening to me from the coffin
Those lifeless, spiritless vessels of death
Never stops looking at me

Trying to calm my soul down
As she is lapsing into infinate realization
I grasp hold of all I have dear to keep from tumbling in
But it all revolves around me
I get dizzy, but my cry for help will hurt too many ears
So I am silent
And weeping every spare moment
I look into my own mirror reflection
And realize that her pain
Will never grasp me
Will never heal me
Will never disappear
Holding on, holding on
Knowing that soon all strength will have left my knuckles and fingertips
And I realize that I am not falling into her abyss, but my own

Sovende, i hvert fall på overflaten
Sjelen din strekker seg utover og prøver å favne meg
Sluke meg, sette meg i halsen og kveles sakte og smertefullt
Men med lukkede øyne ser du ikke at det er meg du har fortært i din jakt på frelse
Døden?
Den er borte for lenge siden
Nå er det bare oss to igjen. Og en kamp om hvem som kan åpne øynene dine eller lukke dem.

Alone

Jeg vet hva du følte nå
Vet hvordan ensomheten spiste deg opp innenfra
Skjønner hvorfor du sa farvel

Hvordan kan denne smerten noensinne forsvinne?
Hvordan kan jeg klare å se meg selv i øynene igjen, så svakelig som jeg er nå?
How can I stop pushing them all away to merge into the blackness that flowed from your soul and into mine?
I am so alone

I know you would be here
But it seems you were the only one
And as the days pass I realise that it will never be OK
I will always have that wound right in the depth of my heart and it will sting every time someone leaves
Too many have left me now
Way too many

Hvordan skal jeg klare å reise meg opp igjen?
Hvordan skal jeg klare å gå ut i verden igjen?
Hvordan skal jeg klare å forholde meg til dem igjen?

Jeg vet han ikke sviker med vilje, men allikevel er det det største sviket
Jeg trodde at i hvert fall han kom til å være der
But I was mistaken
And as the fool I am I keep falling
Wondering if I should hold on to the person pushing me further down
Wondering if it’s my mind making it all up or my eyes trying to blind me

Love, send me an angel
For without you I am emptier than ever
And all my strongholds fail
And I am left alone in my emptiness

.

So you finally gave in
And early one morning you said goodbye
But not to me
The world heard your last whispers
But not me
And I am here, all alone, awaiting your song

You promised me you’d return
You swore you wouldn’t leave me alone
Yet the signs do not come
And just as you waited, I wait
In vain

Oh, all the pain you always felt
And all the sorrowful memories you had
Unbearable for you, impossible to process and heal
Some wounds are so poisonous they kill you in the end
No matter how many times I redressed and wiped them in antiseptics
I loved you
I told you so many times
I really, really loved you
But I guess sometimes love isn’t enough

Hanging there
Or the moment before, suspensed in silence
What were the last visions in you head?
Was it him?
Was it your father?
Or was it me?
Perhaps it was just an invisionment of sorrow
Or total blackness

I hope you’re someplace better now
Hope your happy
But somehow I feel that you are no more
And your soul passed on, hopefully to a much better future
But I know scars like that will re-emerge
I hope your next life will give you a childhood that builds you strong
Strong enough to handle that hopeless task fate gave you
Of breaking out of your horrible sins of the past
And emerge like the phoenix
Harder, faster, better, stronger
And rise to your true destiny
Which I know is so much more than this.

I miss you.